March of the Idiots
by Moony Da Remmy
Summary: MOFFLA! Now into the candy house......Muhahahahaha! Kenshin's talking to soap bubbles? What? NUUUUUUUUUU! GEORGE! WHAT! kURAMA DOENS'T LIKE TRCIKS CEREAL? Hiei is definently not superman. --;;;
1. March of the Idiots!

Disclaimer: I own most of the people in this chapter.  
  
Chapter One: March of the Idiots  
  
A boy about 15 sat on the edge of a tall building watching the cars go by.  
He was enjoying the first day of summer. No evil teachers, no homework, and  
definitely no school. He was free. Free as a bird! He could jump off the  
building right now and fly away but he knew better. Suddenly a scream was  
heard. He looked up in the sky and saw a little black dot falling to earth.  
He sprang up suddenly and held out his arms. The thing, whatever it was,  
finally came into view but he didn't have time to see it for it was on top  
of him already.  
  
Kurama: @_@ Ow...  
  
Kohana: *girl about 12 years old with brown hair and brown eyes. Has red-  
brownish ears and tail and is wearing a navy blue gi and tan hakama.* I  
MADE IT! LET THIS BE THE DAY THAT THE FIRST YOUKAI FELL FROM THE SKY AND  
LIVED!  
  
Kurama: *rubbing head.* Miss...are you alright?  
  
Kohana: Of course I'm all right! I'm indestructible! That's spelled in-  
destructible! *ponders.* But am I flammable?  
  
Voice heard from bottom of building: Hey Kohana! KOHANA! DID YOU DIE?!  
  
Kohana: *cups hands to mouth.* NO TAJI! COME ON UP!  
  
Voice: OKELLY DOKELLY!  
  
Taji: *girl also 12 with blonde/silver hair and blue eyes. Has silver ears  
and tail and is wearing a green gi with a tan hakama.* *head pokes over the  
top of the building.* Yippee! You made it! *runs over to Kohana.*  
  
Kohana: Yup! ^_^ And look who I landed on! Mr. Red Head!  
  
Both: ^_^ YAY!  
  
Kurama: *looks puzzled.* Is there something I missed?  
  
Both: ^_ ^ No!  
  
Hiei: *appears.* Kurama, Koenma has a new case and....*looks at the two  
girls.* Who are they.  
  
Kurama: They're---  
  
Kohana: *sings.*  
Official Youkai Greeting Song  
I am a youkai!  
A fox demon youkai!  
With ears and a tail that goes swish swish!  
And as a youkai!  
A fox demon youkai!  
I will greet you with this song!  
TTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHIIIIIISSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG!  
  
Taji: KOHANA NO BAKA! *hits Kohana with a bokken that magically appeared in  
her hand.*  
  
Kohana: That didn't hurt! Yes it did...*disintegrates then reappears  
magically at Taji's side.*  
  
Kurama: 0.0  
  
Hiei: Hn.  
  
Taji: Oooooooo! I like that! Say it again!  
  
Hiei: Baka.  
  
Taji: BAKA! ^_^  
  
Kohana: AHOU! ^_^  
  
Cloud: *randomly passes by.* You guys are crazy.  
  
Taji: *twitches and foams by the mouth. Leaps up and eats the cloud in one  
bite.*  
  
Kohana: *whispers to Kurama.* Don't worry. She usually does that after five  
o'clock shadow.  
  
Kurama: But that doesn't make any bloody sense!  
  
Kohana: How *dare* you take the tone with me! Bad boy! Have a muffin!  
*stuffs blueberry muffin in Kurama's mouth.*  
  
Kurama: Mufhhh! 0.0''  
  
Hiei: *slowly backs away.*  
  
Taji: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
UUUU! YOU'ER NOT GETTING AWAY THAT EASILY! *tackles Hiei to the ground.*  
  
Hiei: DRAGON OF THE DARKNESS FLAME!  
  
Taji: *burnt to a crisp.* Ooooo! Do it again! Again!  
  
Hiei: O.O But...but...  
  
Kohana: *riding on Kurama's back.* See I told you! We're indestructible!  
  
Kurama: *nodding.* Yes you are! ^_^  
  
Hiei: Kurama, You haven't gone suddenly soft for these idiots?  
  
Kurama: Well as I always say, if you can't beat them join them!  
  
Hiei: -_- You never said that.  
  
Kurama: I know! ^_^  
  
Taji: *creeps up behind Hiei and quickly puts a spiked collar around his  
neck.* I shall call you fluffy and you call be mine! And you shall be my  
fluffy!  
  
Kohana: Yup! We own you guys now!  
  
Hiei: No! Let me go you baka! *tugs at leash but instead gets electrically  
shocked.*  
  
Taji: *grins.* I knew you'd try to get away. When ever you tug, pull, or  
try to get it off it'll shock you! You can never get away. Never.  
  
Hiei: *glares.*  
  
Kurama&Kohana: WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEE! ^_^ *jump off the building and land on a  
big giant rose that suddenly appeared.*  
  
Taji: *drags Hiei over to the giant rose and sits upon it.*  
  
Kohana: Welcome to the Magical Rose Express! What is your destination?  
  
Taji: 12434627691347626439 Nonexistent St.  
  
Kurama: Good choice! Please keep your claws, ears, and tails inside the  
vehicle at all times. Here we go! *rose magically flies up into the air at  
a slow pace. After a half and hour or so a huge house comes into view. The  
house is so big it takes up the whole neighborhood. It is all sorts of  
colors and very abnormal. Swirly lines and curves go up and down the house  
like a child's first drawing. A yellow chimney juts out from the side of  
the house, purple ducks coming out of it. The yard is as big as the house  
itself with wide-open fields and fences around them. There are also a few  
stables that contain horses in them. Kurama and Hiei look at the house wide  
eyed with shock.*  
  
Kohana: Welcome home! ^_^  
  
Taji: *takes collar off Hiei.* The good o'l open range!  
  
Hiei: Hn.  
  
Kurama: Coming in for a landing! *Rose crashes through the wall of the  
house making a huge hole.* Oops!  
  
Kohana: It's okay! We have people to fill in holes for us. *cups hands to  
her mouth.* YAMI!  
  
Yami Kohana: *appears in a puff of purple smoke.* What?  
  
Kohana: Fill in the hole in the wall! Now!  
  
Yami K: You know if I weren't around you'd be in big trouble.  
  
Kohana: I know. Just do it!  
  
Yami K: Whatever. *takes an elephant out of thin air and stuffs it through  
the hole.* Done. *walks away.*  
  
Taji: Okay, now there's a few things you need to know about our house.  
First, most of our house is alive so don't upset it or it will eat you.  
Second, we have a Man-Eater Bug in the garage so if you decide to take out  
the garbage it may be your last time. Thirdly, DON'T EVER; EVER WALK INTO  
THE TORTURE CHAMBER! Any questions?  
  
Hiei: *raises hand.*  
  
Taji: Yes Hiei?  
  
Hiei: I would just like to make it clear that you guys are insane.  
  
Kohana: Okay! Any other questions?  
  
Kurama&Hiei:...  
  
Taji: Good. Now into the candy house...*laughs insanely.*  
  
All: *walk into the house onto a station platform. Suddenly a tram appears.  
The conductor sticks his head out the window and grins evilly at all of  
them.*  
  
Yami Bakura: Welcome to The Doom Express Tram! DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!  
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *clears throat.* Come aboard foolish  
mortals and you shall experience doom as you never have experienced before!  
DOOM! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *thunder and lightning in  
background.*  
  
Kohana: Well we'll leave you hear for now. We need to go pick out your  
rooms, ne?  
  
Taji: Don't worry. He's harmless.  
  
Kohana&Taji: *jump into a black vortex that just suddenly appeared and  
vanish.*  
  
Hiei: *eyes the tram.* We're supposed to go in there.  
  
Kurama: Is there a choice?  
  
Both: *walk on the tram cautiously.*  
  
Yami Bakura: Hold on! *doors shut loudly as tram starts speeding up. Hiei  
and Kurama are forced to sit down, grasping the railing.*  
  
Hiei: Idiot. Doesn't he know it's dangerous to go this fast?  
  
Kurama: *sweatdrops.* Apparently not.  
  
Yami Bakura: DOOM! DOOM! DDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!  
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *tram screeches to a halt.*  
  
Hiei&Kurama: @.@  
  
Yami Bakura: You may now exit The Doom Express Tram through the sliding  
doors to your right! Please have a doom filled day! DOOM! DOOOOOOOOM!  
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Hiei&Kurama: *both walk out of the tram rubbing their heads, cursing  
silently to themselves.*  
  
Soujiro: *loudly.* Hello! Welcome to the house tour! Soujiro and I will be  
your tour guides this evening! Please feel free to ask any questions on the  
way! Right Soujiro-san? That's right Soujiro-san! You're so smart! I know!  
^_^  
  
Kurama: 0.0  
  
Hiei: Hn.  
  
Soujiro: Okay then! Follow ussssssssssssssssssssss! *starts skipping,  
leaping, and turning around while saying things like, toddlepip and jolly  
good old chap! He then stops at a little room, bubbles coming out of the  
entrance.* Now our first stop is the laundry room! Soujiro-san please give  
them the details! Of course I will Soujiro-san! This is the place where you  
wash your clothes! Just look inside and see for yourself!  
  
*~Inside The Laundry Room~*  
  
Kenshin: *talking to the soap bubbles.* Don't tell Kaoru but you guys are  
by best friends.....I mean you're so shiny! *reaches out to touch a bubble  
but pops it by mistake.* NO GEORGE! I KILLED YOU! WHY!  
WWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY! *sits down and sobs.*  
  
Kurama: Soap.....bubbles....? o.0  
  
Hiei: Hn. Baka.  
  
Soujiro: Let's move on shall we! Yes we shall! *skips to the next room.*  
This is the arts and crafts room! It's where you can draw, paint, and make  
clay sculptures! Let's take a look inside!  
  
*~Inside Art and Crafts Room~*  
  
Sanosuke: Hey look guys! I finally finished my ear wax replica of Saitou!  
  
Aoshi: Impressive but it's not as good as my 'I am way better then the  
Battosai in every single way' collage! What'd you make Saitou!  
  
Saitou: I made a heart, with my own heart.  
  
Sano&Aoshi: 0.0  
  
Saitou: *falls over and dies.*  
  
Soujiro: *laughs nervously.* Let's move on..... *walks to the next  
hallway.* Down there you'll find the meditating room, the living room, and,  
our favorite, the sparring room. *walks to another hallway.* And down there  
you'll find the kitchen, the computer lab, the music room, and a swimming  
pool! ^_^ All the other rooms are either bedrooms, torture chambers, or  
rooms Taji and Kohana just haven't discovered yet. We will now leave you  
here! Bye bye! Farewell! *waves with both hands then gracefully skips down  
the hall.*  
  
Kurama: *looks around with awe.* This place is huge!  
  
Hiei: Hn.  
  
Kurama: Will you say something different for once!  
  
Hiei: Baka.  
  
Kurama: -_-' I rest my case.  
  
Kohana: *runs over to Kurama.* Here you guys are! We've been looking for  
you every where!  
  
Taji: Yeah! Your rooms are---  
  
Kohana: *sings.* ---C is for cookie! And cookie's just for me!  
  
Taji: SHUT-UP! *hits her on the head.*  
  
Kohana: @.@ Okay...shutting-up....  
  
Taji: As I was saying...*glares angrily at Kohana.*....your rooms are  
ready! It's almost dinnertime and I'm cooking! ^_^ So go get washed up!  
*walks away happily to the kitchen.*  
  
Kohana: *shakes her head worriedly.* Oh no....  
  
Hiei: What?  
  
Kurama: Yeah what is it?  
  
Kohana: Well, last time when she made toast, she burnt the whole house  
down. She hasn't cooked since then.  
  
Kurama: Um....that's interesting.  
  
Hiei: She's gonna bake us alive. Baka ahou.  
  
Kohana: There's only one thing we can do....we must find the meatloaf!  
  
Hiei: ...meatloaf...  
  
Kurama: Why...a meatloaf....?  
  
Kohana: It's the centerpiece of everyone's lives! It will show us the way!  
Come on! *drags Hiei and Kurama down the hall as heroic music plays.*  
  
Kenshin: *cupping his hands as if he was holding something in it.* GEORGE!  
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE! DON'T WORRY PAL! I'LL TRY  
EVRY WAY TO REVIVE YOU! OH GEORGE! *runs down the hallway sobbing.*  
  
Will Kohana ever find the meatloaf? Is Taji going to burn down the house?  
And is poor George ever coming back? Who knows? Tune in next time for  
chapter two!  
  
To Be Continued!  
  
Kohana: Poor George! *sniff.* He was a good soap bubble. *has her moment of  
silence for George.* *wipes away a tear.* Okay....well...I'm not continuing  
unless I get 6 reviews, ne? You may give me any ideas if you want. TO  
VICTORY! 


	2. Hiei is not Superman

Disclaimer: CHEESE DOODLES? STUFF THEM IN YOUR PANTS!  
  
Chapter Two: Hiei Is Not Superman  
  
*~In the Kitchen~*  
  
Taji: *looking at cookbook.* Okay.......so sauerkraut?  
Um.......doughnuts........mustard.......trout.......what!? Who needs this thing! *throws  
cookbook across the room.* I can make my own.....um......whatever I'm making!  
  
Yami Taji: *walks into the room and gets hit in the head with the  
cookbook.* You know your going to burn down the whole house like last time.  
  
Taji: So.  
  
Yami T: Just making my point.  
  
Taji: *takes several world atlases from the shelf and puts them on the  
stove.* I'll leave these here until they're burnt to a crisp and then I  
will make them into tomato soup!  
  
Yami T: Doesn't tomato soup have tomatoes in it?  
  
Taji: Ditch the tomatoes! I will make it into The Remains of World Atlases  
Soup and then we will......er.......eat it! Eat it!  
BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Yami T: Were all gonna die.  
  
Zelgadiss: Hey that's my line! DAMN YOU REZO! *crouches in a fetal position  
muttering to himself.*  
  
*~Somewhere in a Desert in Saudi Arabia~*  
  
Kohana&Kurama: *singing.* Little bunny foo foo! Hopping through the forest!  
Picking up the field mice and bopping them on the head!  
  
Kurama: The good fairy came down and said!  
  
Kohana: *taps Hiei on the shoulder.* That's your part Hiei.  
  
Hiei: *sighs.* Little bunny foo foo. I don't want to see you. Picking up  
the field mice and bopping them---I HATE THIS STUPID SONG! WE'VE SUNG IT  
1,600,758 TIMES ALREADY! CAN WE GIVE IT A REST!  
  
Kohana:  
Ssssssssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  
Why didn't you say so?  
  
Hiei: Hn.  
  
Kurama: Are we there yet?  
  
Kohana: *does several cartwheels.* We'll know we're there when Dracula  
crosses our path.  
  
Dracula: *riding a unicycle while balancing plates on his hands and head.*  
While your driving remember to bark at you neighbor! STAR WARS! *falls over  
and dies.*  
  
Kohana: Yippee! We're here! *takes out walkie-talkie.* Blue Wolf......Blue Wolf  
do you copy?  
  
*~From Other End of Walkie-talkie~*  
  
Okita: Read you loud and clear Red Fox! Did Dracula cross your path yet?  
  
Kohana: Yes. We're going in.  
  
Okita: Bobba-lou?  
  
Kohana: Bobba-lou.  
  
Hiei&Kurama: o.o  
  
Okita: Okay. Over an out!  
  
Kohana: Right! *puts walkie-talkie back in her pocket and walks into a  
store that just randomly appeared.*  
  
Hiei&Kurama: *follow.*  
  
Kohana: *walks up to front desk.* Sir, where can we find the meatloaf?  
  
Old Guy: You want your feet toasted?  
  
Kohana: No, meatloaf!  
  
O.G.: Cheap soap?  
  
Kohana: Meatloaf!  
  
O.G.: Peat moss?  
  
Kohana: MEATLOAF!  
  
O.G.: God, you don't have to scream so loud. The meatloaf aisle is on you  
left. Thank you for shopping at Meatloaf Mart!  
  
Kohana: -_-;;; Thank you. *walks over to the meatloaf aisle.*  
  
Hiei: *stops and stares at the cheese.*  
  
Kurama: Hiei, why have you stopped?  
  
Hiei: Cheese amuses me. *pokes cheese and smirks.*  
  
Kurama&Kohana: 0.o  
  
Hiei: *pokes cheese and smirks.*  
  
Kurama&Kohana: o.0  
  
Hiei: *pokes cheese and smirks.*  
  
Kurama: I want a sandwich.  
  
Kohana: No.  
  
Hiei: *pokes cheese and smirks.*  
  
Kurama: Why?  
  
Kohana: *sighs.* The beavers ate my ears which caused rabid dictionaries to  
destroy the world. The grannies got mad so they ate Santa's sleigh and the  
presents could not be delivered to all the little boys and girls in  
Garfola. 1, 2, buckle my shoe and they foraged for chocolate in the mines  
of San Diego and they quacked and said, "Fruitloops!" and punched each  
other out. This caused an earthquake and all Santa's reindeer fell down a  
fissure and Santa Claus said, "Like dude that's bad!" so he ate all the  
sandwiches in the world and blew up. That's why nobody can ever make a  
sandwich ever again.  
  
Kurama: 0.0 Okay...........  
  
Hiei: *pokes cheese and smirks.*  
  
*~Back at the Kitchen.~*  
  
Taji: *putting random stuff in a huge cauldron over a burning fire.*  
Staples.......yes we need those! A bottle of Mozart's saliva, a radio, DVD  
player, Kohana's precious jewelry which she would kill me if I put it in  
this huge boiling cauldron over the fire.........  
  
Yami Taji: What about Hiei's sword?  
  
Taji: Sure! *takes sword and puts it into the now green concoction.*  
  
*~Somewhere Far Away~*  
  
Shishio: *river dancing with Yumi.* Ya da ma cok cak la!  
  
Yumi: *is a chicken.*  
  
Harry Potter: *appears.* Yo Voldey! If you want to kill me let the creamy  
mustard pie sit out for awh---*stares at Yumi and Shishio.*  
  
Shishio: Yay! Another person to torture! Yumi, go get the cages!  
  
Yumi: *flaps wings and pecks at the ground.* Bock!  
  
H.P.: 0.0  
  
*~Back at Meatloaf Mart~*  
  
Kurama: *in fetal position on the ground rocking back and forth.* It scares  
me every time I hear it........and I can still hear them taunting it.......silly  
rabbit tricks are for kids.........  
  
Hiei&Kohana: 0.0  
  
Kurama: I mean why couldn't they just give the rabbit some cereal?! Huh?!  
WHY?! *starts crying.*  
  
Hiei: Uh......it's okay......really........*pats Kurama's back reassuringly.*  
  
Kurama: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! *takes a chunk of Hiei's hair and eats it.*  
  
Hiei: My hair! My beautiful black velvet hair that flows in the wind!  
NNNNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *sobs.*  
  
Kohana: O.O *drools.*  
  
Meatloaf: *flies through the air knocking Kurama out cold.*  
  
Kurama: @.@ Is salt good for the soul...........*falls over.*  
  
Kohana: *picks up meatloaf and holds it high above her head.* Our hope it  
restored!  
  
Hiei: Your just saying that! You can't have my Twinkies! Never!  
  
Kohana: No! I shall have your Twinkies, Superman, for I made then with my  
own two telescopes!  
  
Hiei: WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I LOOK LIKE SUPERMAN! I MEAN I LOOK NOTHING  
LIKE HIM! DAMN YOU SUPERMAN!  
  
Little Kid: *points at Hiei.* Look mommy! It's Superman!  
  
Hiei: I'M NOT SUPERMAN! *takes kid and throws him across the room.*  
  
Kohana: O.O Hiei.......I think you need to calm down.........  
  
Hiei: *foams by the mouth.* NO! I'M NOT %^@#! SUPERMAN!  
  
Kohana: *picks up piece of cheese.* Look Hiei! He wants to be petted!  
  
Hiei: *suddenly eyes soften up.* Cheesy! *pokes cheese and smirks.*  
  
Kurama: @.@ The square root of granola is indigo..........  
  
*~A Few Hours Later~*  
  
Taji: *blows on a blow horn.* DINNERS READY! GET IT BEFORE THE OGRES DO!  
  
Marik, Yami Marik, Bakura, Yami Bakura, Chibi Bakura, Zelgadiss, Kenshin,  
Kenji, Soujiro, Okita, and other weird peoples: *sit at the table.*  
  
Marik: FOOLS! I CAN EAT FASTER THEN ANY OF YOU!  
  
Bakura: Then show us.  
  
Yami Bakura&Yami Marik: DOOM! BLOOD! DESTRUCTION! DOOM!  
  
Chibi Bakura: EEP! EEP!  
  
Zelgadiss: *to Chibi Bakura.* How dare you threaten me! DAMN YOU REZO!  
  
Kenshin: GEORGE NNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUU!  
  
Kenji: What?!  
  
Kenshin: Uh....I mean.....I will kill you with one thrust of my sword!  
  
Kenji: o.0  
  
Soujiro: THE STRONG LIVE AND THE WEAK DIE! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK  
HEADS ALREADY!  
  
Everyone: 0.0  
  
Soujiro: Um.......pass the salt?  
  
Taji: All right! ALL RIGHT SETTLE DOWN PEOPLE! THE SOUP IS ON THE WAY!  
  
Kohana,Hiei,&Kurama: *smash through the wall.*  
  
Kohana: TAKE THAT! *hits Taji in the head with the meatloaf.*  
  
Taji: @.@ Charleston's back in town........  
  
Kohana: Yay! We saved the world from destruction.  
  
Okita: No. All you did was knock Taji unconscious with a meatloaf.  
  
Kohana: Oh.  
  
To Be Continued!  
  
Kohana: Go home. All of you. You don't live here. You live in Goahli. What?  
You don't know what Goahli is? I don't either so go away.  
  
R&R! 


End file.
